I lay here, half sleep.
Sideways and legs crossed.
In that perfect spot,
the warm spot surrounded
by the rest of the icy cold mattress.

A King-sized mattress with plenty of
room to stretch out and get comfortable.
But this was my spot.
It had always been my spot.

I'm dozing. Drifting off with the thoughts of tomorrow
slowly growing blurring in my minds-eye.
The faint ticking of the wall clock
on the other side of the room
slowly giving me that monotone lullaby
I am so use to.

And then i smell her.
It was her scent.
So so faint,
but strong enough to wake me.

I sit up. Confused. Disoriented?
What's happening? Is she here?
No she's not. She's gone away from me.

There's a hole in my soul. I can't remember
what use to be there, but I know it's gone.
A grey sludge lapping at the rim of this gaping hole,
spilling onto and all over my insides.
Making me feel that nausia. Sick. Sad.

Her absence is the biggest hole of all.
It's enormous, and I don't dare turn on the light,
because i don't want to see myself living in it. So I sit here.

In the dark.

Holding my chest.

Deep breathes trying to stop the panic.

I want to heave. I need to be sick.
The anxiety's back, claiming me in the darkness.
It's like an entity that i can't see, but can feel.

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